Challenges and Beauty

In the past two weeks, we've lost three patients on the ward and one at home, none of whom were more than 50. It's a crazy thing, when mortality strikes you in the face. Even when you're not suffering from AIDS or any other terminal illness, it reminds you how precious each and every moment is. Every day is a gift from God, and as my friend says, we need to praise Him for it every second. Let nothing remain unsaid or undone. Live each moment as if it could be your last, with no regrets. It's how I've always tried to live, but in these past few weeks, the importance of it is becoming ever stronger.

He was going crazy. Literally, I mean. I thought I saw it almost a week before he died, but I wasn't sure. He had told me he was a pastry chef, so though the conviction in his face made me a little skeptical, I thought his comments about getting flour and making me pastries were a combination of a joke and something he wanted to do for me once he got out and got back on his feet. But then he kept talking about it the next day, telling me how he needed help to get up, needed to find a tent, asking me to buy him flour. I mentioned it to the doctor in passing, and he mentioned toxoplasmosis or something, didn't seem too concerned. After all, this man had always been troublesome. He yelled, complained, moaned, sometimes disrespected others. He demanded. Who was to really pay attention; he cried wolf so often. But there were days he would remain covered in vomit. He was moved to the back, to "isolation," where his only companion confided to me in hushed tones "We're here because they don't like us." No real sheets, no pillow. I had to cover him with some of the clothes I had brought him. He spoke fragments of the Lord's Prayer and 23rd Psalm, and I filled in the gaps. On his last day, he made no sense. He had thrown things, and the floor around him was littered in urine and who knows what else. He told me he had seen me; I was dressed in white. He saved my life, and saved the hospital. Ok, I told him, I'm glad you did. The next day, I asked where he was and the nurse said matter-of-factly "in the mortuary." What?! My gut had said he wouldn't make it out, but I didn't expect it to be quite so quick. I knew at one point he had been discharged five days, and no one had come for him. I wondered if anyone would claim his body, or mourn for him at all. Pray for him with me.

On the upside, besides being ridiculously hot, the country is amazing. I feel I have become so close to so many people. I study with Dominic, spend hours chatting with Vidya in the evenings. I feel at home.

Saturday, I had my first exposure to Tobago, the sister island that is, ironically, farther away than Venezuela. People have been asking me since my second week in Trinidad if I had been to Tobago yet, and now, six months later (can you believe it's been that long?!), I can finally say yes. Everyone talks of how beautiful it is, and no one lied. It is a relaxed tropical paradise. The flight is a slightly bumpy 15 minutes at most. It takes no more than five minutes for the bags to appear on the baggage carousel from the cargo hold. Palm trees, white sand, glittering aquamarine sea. I went with my friend and fellow Fulbrighter Sam, and we met another friend and program director, Cara, there. Although we had no more than 24 hours, we made the most of it. We dropped our bags in our room (costing approximately $16US/person) and headed for the beach. Everyone had told Sam and I we had to try crab and dumplings, so we did. We didn't expect the crab to still be in shell, however. But after an hour's worth of effort and more than one green spot on our clothing, we managed to finish. Topped off with fresh grapefruit juice and coconut cherry ice cream, and I think we are near perfection. We weren't planning on renting chairs, but in keeping with the "it's nice to be nice" posted on the back, a couple of gentlemen rented chairs for us (this is when it pays to be a group of young American females). We spent the day bathing in the clear water and relaxing, reading. We took a sunset cruise, which neared perfection. Dancing, nylon pool (shallow sandbar in the middle of the ocean), sunset fading to dusk and stars coming out, palm trees becoming silhouettes....amazing. One of my favorite moments here so far. Even leaving at 10:30 the next morning (the latest flight I could get, booking three days prior), we managed to soak up a little more Tobago, having breakfast in the midst of a tropical garden, a mango tree just feet from the table (too bad it isn't mango season!). It's a lovely island, and I look forward to going back with my parents in April, and again after that.