Halfway Through

Today is, by Fulbright's standards (they started my grant on September 21st rather than the 18th, when I landed here), the exact halfway point on my journey in Trinidad. I am reminded of Ursula LeGuin's quote given to me by my friend Susie, trail name Hammock Hanger, when I met her just before lyme disease stifled her second attempt at thru-hiking. "It's good to have an end to journey toward, but in the end, it's the journey that matters." Here, the end is medical school, Georgetown, beginning August 3 with orientation. I am excited to go, excited to finally do what I believe I am called to in the world, but the journey through Trinidad to get there really is what will shape me, what will matter.

How has Trinidad already changed me? The list could be endless. I feel I have grown up here. I have moved from being an idealistic college student bent on saving the world to an idealistic adult (Naomi Shihab Nye did say if there were no idealists in the world, nothing good would ever happen!) who is realizing she can't actually save the world at all, but will still try with all she's got and let the ripples go.

I have learned to find my way completely on my own, and more than that, I have come to realize how much we need one another. For as much as I love my space and independence, I would have been lost here had Stanley not taken me around my first week, helped me get a phone, shown me how to catch a taxi. I would be terribly lonely without people like Dominic and Annie, Kenneth and Denise, the families at church who have offered their love, Vidya and her children. They as well as the clinic patients are making my experience what it is. I have learned about suffering and about strength, for I see both in patients every day. I am learning about AIDS and its harsh reality. I have learned I like things like callaloo and roti and channa and curry. I can eat raw oysters and even kind of like them. My least favorite dish is macaroni pie, which is the most American of them all.

I also continue to learn how God appears in the most minute details. The sunsets' brilliant oranges and pinks from my window. The ocean every morning as I traipse sweatily down the Promenade en route to the clinic. The flowers. A smile from a stranger, a text from a friend, a breeze.

I have started my research (finally!) and am excited to see where it takes me. I look forward to seeing what relationships grow stronger, what new ones are formed. What new challenges come to face me, what new blessings find ways of lifting me. I want to learn how to cook Trini food. I want to let something really open me and for something beautiful to fill me. I want a tan. More than anything, I want to continue to grow.