Adjusting and Readjusting

I've officially been back in the US for two and a half weeks, and what a whirlwind it has been! My first week was mostly just coming off of jet lag and re-learning American culture. Coming back was definitely a shock to body and mind. I had no problem staying up later than planned when I came home, but then my body decided to wake up at 5am...so it took a little while for it to learn that nighttime is not a 4-hour nap, but rather a time to get 7-8 hours of good sleep. It was also interesting to go from the ship in Cambodia to what felt like being thrown into the heart of the consumerism in America--NYC. Don't get me wrong, I love NYC and am constantly fascinated by it. But as I was reminded by my $60 cab fare and $90 train fare, things cost more here. And then there are overpriced restaurants and souvenir shops shouting T-shirts with "I <3 NY" and trinkets no one really needs. I longed for the simpler life in the villages of Cambodia. (I still do.) It was wonderful to see a lot of the extended family when I came back, and to have a week where my brother and I were both home.

My second week took me to NY to visit Marist and all the friends there that this time, I won't see again for ten months (and that is a really strange thing to think about). I arrived on move-in day for the upperclassmen, which is when I (theoretically) would have moved in if I were still a Marist student (in reality, I never did; I always worked freshman move-in). That was strange. As I walked around Marist, I felt comfortable of course, but no longer at home. It was like I knew I didn't belong there anymore, knew I could no longer really call it home. Still, it was absolutely wonderful to see everyone, and to know how many people really care about me. To those I didn't get a chance to see, or didn't see for very long--I'm sorry! I wish I had had more time (why is it the only days I have that are significantly longer than 24 hours are days in which I'm flying? I don't need an extra 11 hours on a plane!). To those I did, thank you for making the time for me. And of course, thank you Maria for giving me a place to crash and to call home for the week! I am discovering that I am finding homes for myself all over the world.

All in all, adjusting to the US has been a challenge. As Dr. Dingman tells me, everything has changed and nothing has changed. I can feel it, and it is quite jarring, but I wouldn't trade it and the growth I know accompanies that for anything. My experience in Cambodia changed me in ways I cannot even begin to describe, and once you see poverty like that and have faces and smiles and human beings to accompany it, you can't forget it. I certainly hope and pray that I never will, and no matter what life brings, I will not lose those faces. In some ways, I tell people I am "rebelling against Western culture" in my quiet ways. For instance, I haven't worn shorts except to work out and sleep since I've been home. I didn't in Cambodia, and I was comfortable like that, so why change? It would feel strange to me any other way. I felt strange being in Starbucks so often last week after not having seen a single one in Cambodia.

You know, I don't think I'll adjust to the US before I leave for Trinidad, and that's not really a bad thing. (I will be en route in 11 days! I can hardly believe that!) I am looking forward to what's coming. Thank you to my family and all the friends I have seen since coming back to the states. You've all made me see how loved I am, and that means so much. I will take that with me and it will be an immense comfort as I am adjusting to life and making friends in Trinidad. Much love and prayers back to you all! Stay well. Thanks for listening :)